DATELINE:  January 2010 -- Possum Kingdom, TX


Local Philosopher Discovers New Law of Physics


Local resident and unheralded philosopher of metaphysics, Vlad "Joe
Bob" Tseppish, announced today in an unattended press conference that
he had discovered a new law of physics.  This new law, Tseppish
claims, is even more fundamental to the structure of the universe than
Einstein's famed "speed of light" law.

The lack of press attendance did not stop Tseppish from standing
behind a lectern and giving a dumbed-down presentation of his theory
to the empty room.  According to this philosopher, the universe
conserves mediocrity with same tenacity that it conserves matter and
energy.

If his theory is true, says Tseppish, "well, if you think that you are
surrounded by idiots, you probably are".  Or perhaps, he continues,
"you are one of the idiots surrounding some smart person standing
nearby!"

Tseppish further claims that this conservation law transcends quantum
locality and operates across the whole spectrum of history to ensure
that mediocrity continually increases -- much like entropy which is
also known to steadily increase over time.

According to this theory, no one, no matter how smart or how
hardworking, is immune to the power of rising mediocrity levels.  This
even applies to the greatest geniuses of all time.  Consider Isaac
Newton:  in his youth he invented the calculus and then used it to
invent the law of gravity -- which stood rock solid in the minds of
physicists for the next 500 years.  But later in his career, Newton
spent 17 whole years trying to turn lead into gold using now
discredited alchemical techniques.  He finally gave up in disgust and
spent the rest of life just hanging out.  Because of the great acts of
genius he performed early in life, the universe forced him spend the
rest of his time in what were effectively incompetent pursuits, Tseppish 
claims.

Nor was Albert Einstein immune from the universe's inexorable love of
mediocrity.  He quickly produced several major works starting in 1904.
One of which was to overthrow Newton's 500 year old theory of
gravitational attraction.  Yet, he spent the rest of his career
gradually fading away without producing any new marvels.  And for that
matter, most physicists, most of the time, still use Newton's laws
anyway.  Also, Einstein took a dislike to quantum mechanics, a field
that he himself had helped found, and began just puttering away in his
office.  The other physicists eventually began to think of him as a
doddering old fool.

And so it goes, according to Tseppish:  if you are working with a team
to accomplish something and if one member works very hard, some other
member is very likely to do something stupid that destroys everyone's
work product.  The harder and more diligently that one person works, the
greater the universe will strain to offset that progress with
accidents, laziness or misunderstandings.  That is, in any endeavor,
Genius and Stupidity will likely cancel one another out.

Tseppish concluded his presentation by saying:  "If great geniuses
like Einstein and Newton were caught in mediocrity's web, what chance
do the rest of us have?"

Tseppish then surveyed the empty room and sighed loudly and shook his
head in apparent disgust before folding his notes and leaving through
the back entrance of the briefing room.  He was heard muttering
"Murphy was right -- and I can prove it!" as he walked past the 
janitor on the way to his car.

                  Reported by Lowell Boggs